Angela Horler, Independent Midwife and NCT Antenatal Teacher

Recently, I was trying to find an article or website that would convey what a ‘babymoon’ is and why it’s important. What I found as I ‘googled’ away (isn’t that the best invention ever?) was a substantial amount of websites that were selling the idea of a ‘babymoon’ as a short break you take before you have your baby, where you stay in a beautiful hotel, experiencing luxurious massages and indulgent pampering. This was very far removed from the information I was looking for and left me feeling incredibly frustrated and disappointed that this ‘treat’ occurred before the birth and that new-mothers were being targeted in this way.

So, what is a ‘babymoon’?

‘Babymoon’ was a phrase that I came across several years ago when I was preparing for the birth of my third baby. The idea was that following the birth, the mother takes herself to bed for complete rest with her baby, and stays there for at least a week. During this time, visitors are limited, food is plentiful, cuddles and skin-to-skin contact for mother, baby and father is essential and the time is used to recover from the long journey of birth and to get breastfeeding off to the most fabulous start. To me it sounded perfect and I prepared for this and spent 3 delightful days in bed – it would have been longer except I had two other very young children to get back to.

As an NCT teacher and midwife, I find myself feeling increasingly sad for women and new parents - the current culture we live in conveys a very strong expectation that a woman will give birth and be back on her feet in no time; her new and young baby will be feeding at timely and convenient intervals, guests will be welcomed into the home to hold and meet the new arrival (whilst no doubt the exhausted parents ‘cope marvellously’ and provide their guests with some food and drinks). The mother will soon be back into her skinny jeans (and if she is in any doubt about this can hire a personal trainer to expedite this process) and within a short amount of time, will have her hair and make-up back in place and will be visiting the local coffee shop with her other antenatal group members – passing off the confident air of a mother who is finding this enormous transition in life ‘effortless’. This all too familiar picture creates a huge and unnecessary strain that affects women’s long-term recovery, her breastfeeding relationship and generally leads to a false expectation of what mothers should be achieving in the early weeks.

Getting back to the good old days!........

When our mothers had their babies (that’s us by the way!), there was great attention paid to ‘lying-in’ following the birth. Most babies by then were being born in hospital, and women were invited to stay for 10 days, during which time there would be strict visiting hours (often even applied to the father), a good supply of food (tried NHS food lately?), and the supportive environment of midwives and other new mothers. Now, you are whisked off the labour ward as soon as possible, deposited onto a postnatal ward where the lovely (but very busy) midwife may occasionally give you some of her time, and then churned out to your own home where the community midwife may be able to visit you 2 – or if you are lucky - 3 times.

A period of lying-in is vital for women and babies to recover emotionally, physically and holistically. It’s a time for exploration (examining every little bit of the newborn), nourishment and feeding (for mother, father and baby), and sleeping and resting. If the woman is fortunate enough to have had a normal birth (and that’s a whole other article in itself!), she is still bleeding heavily, is usually sore and uncomfortable and is learning how to care for and feed her new-born. During this time, they themselves should be mothered and nurtured so they can focus on this whole new little person.  This baby, who has spent the previous 9 months in a safe, warm, protective environment, is then given the time to adapt to the outside world in a peaceful and uninterrupted continuum, which offers healing and reassurance as they recover from their birth.

Preparing your own ‘babymoon’  

If you are married, you may have spent many weeks and months planning your wedding and honeymoon. Your baby’s birth and babymoon experience deserve as much, if not more consideration, so here is my guide to planning your own babymoon:

• During the last few weeks or pregnancy fill your cupboards, fridge and freezer with plenty of nutritious foods. Snacks, whole foods and delicious treats that you will look forward to eating.
• Start to tell people that you will be having a babymoon, and that this will mean visitors will be limited in the first couple of weeks. Newborn babies are ‘newborn’ for around 6 weeks so there will be plenty of time for them to meet your baby. Really think about and write down who will be the important people that you will allow in to your precious early days.
• Sow the seeds that when visitors are finally welcome to meet your new family, it would be really appreciated if they arrive with a food contribution for you all. Do not feel embarrassed about this – people will happily spend various sums of money on gifts for the baby, but as much as you would like to, you really can not eat a new Baby Gap outfit! You will be surprised by how delighted people will be that they can be of use to you and food packages are the perfect help for new parents.
• Set up a milkman: if you live in an area where the milkman delivers this will save having to pop to the shops for top-up milk and bread. Most companies now enable you to order on-line, the night before your delivery, for basic home essentials.
• Treat yourself to some home-help: most couples do not seem to mind spending a small fortune on a pushchair or nursery equipment, but flinch at the idea of spending some on themselves! Postnatal doulas are a god-send, Independent Midwives offer excellent postnatal care packages, or organising a cleaner to come in for one morning might be the best-investment you could make.
• Enjoy your time; you will never ever get it back again. Next-time you have a babymoon, there will be other children to consider!!

Happy Babymoon!

Angela Horler RM
www.angelikabirthing.co.uk